Shedding Skin to Begin

The gnostic symbol of the ouroboros represents the cyclical nature of life and the many deaths- both physical and metaphorical, we will inevitably experience in order to become new again. We birth a new form by devouring the old self as sustenance, in a sustained omnipresence with everything that exists materially and spiritually.

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Just like everyone else in 2020, I was stuck inside. For a long time. After finding that isolation tends to lend itself to inspiration, I let boredom take a backseat and my creativity play (the greatest video game known to man) Crazy Taxi.

It began by making a list of everything I sought to access in the form of an intimate little boutique. I dreamt of a place that I would surely be a regular at. One that didn’t yet exist. At first, the list was small.

Then it became a bigger list. A broader spectrum of goods, various amenities; but more importantly, abstract qualities instead of items solely destined for sale and use. It was a communal conversation pit, regularly churning out insightful chatter or charitable advice for those in need of support. It was the feeling of a cup of tea warming your palms as you’re swaddled in a fuzzy blanket. An enchanting, vibrational hum of music echoing in the background. The rich, sooty, scent of ever-burning incense snaking around your nose. Candlelight casting shadows on the wall as a sewing machine melodically clacks away at a new creation.

Sounds pretty and romantic and shit, right? Well, that particular ‘abstract essence’ also happens to include the hooptie at the stoplight sitting on enormous glimmering rims, blaring whatever mixtape is hot that week. Its so loud that you can feel the earth shake beneath you, and rightfully so because MUSIC IS MEANT TO BE PLAYED LOUD! Its the kids across the street awaiting their after-school tacos. They can be found routinely decimating their friends in a roast battle, happily rattling off goofy rebuttals- all while seeing who can pop the best wheelie on their bikes. A woman walks her big dumb dog and you are greeted with the poke of a wet nose brushing your hand, inviting a pet from her pet. The guy who walks to the neighboring gas station dripped in Polo with his head held high. There to lend a smile, helping hand or sincere compliment to a stranger. Since he feels good today, he wants to spread the love even if the gesture seems miniscule. All of these things are just as pure as the aforementioned atmosphere. They are the same. While exploring how all of these instances made me feel by experiencing or bearing witness to the action and outcome, I was able to pinpoint that it is the personification of JOY. To some joy is quiet, TO OTHERS IT IS LOUD. Its is an emotion to be embraced and celebrated, the pure aura of the place I felt destined to create.

The emotions we feel are the threads that tie us together as a whole, and with all of these things happening simultaneously in the world, it made sense to convene all of the facets of this singular comforting feeling into one space. Sacrament oozes the secrets of creationism. It proudly boasts a home to exceptional artisans and creators, giving them a place to peacefully shine as they wish. An endless juxtaposition encompassing the totality of my work as a healing practitioner. Sacrament is set to be a pillar of my community, filling the void of the bold creative space I lacked in my young adulthood, with the guidance I personally longed for as an evolving creator. The secret is community. The secret is support. The secret is the proof that ANYTHING is possible, as long as you believe it to be and surround yourself with people who think similarly. After all, everything that has ever existed started as a mere thought.

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As the first few drafts of my lists came to completion, it was time to get to work. I didn’t know how or if I was actually going to be able to make this happen. I didn’t feel like I had all of the tools I knew were necessary, money being the large missing component halting me from seeing some of my desires through. So I worked with what I had. I proceeded, daydreaming and slowly churning out all of the things I would be doing if I was in this space I wanted so badly to be real.

For about 2 years, I painted, collaged, made new clothes from old clothes, dusted my eyelids with happy glitter and draped my cheeks in too much blush, put my hair in pigtails or twisted it up in braids, figured out how to give myself a proper manicure, cleaned out my closet, thrifted ‘new’ clothes, became obsessed with proper clothing care and maintenance, played dress up to find more innovative ways to style myself, sold some cherished designer pieces, listened to any intriguing music recommendation from YouTube, baked the Momofuku Milkbar cookbook in its near entirety, made up my own recipes and force fed them to friends and family, read my friend’s tarot over a bottle of wine, smoked a lot of weed and cigarettes (I quit, since discovering it actually wasn’t what I wanted to be doing), worked out, meditated and yoga’d for hours a day or sometimes not at all, played outside and explored the neighborhood with King (my dog, my son, my bestie, the light of my life), tried acupuncture, sweat in an infrared sauna, created my own loose incense blends with whatever was in my pantry, sent intensive distance reiki healing to a dear friend having a very hard time in the hospital and prayed over many others in need. I continued doing things that happened to solidify the words I had written into a tangible creation. I continued to strive for the reality I wished to live in- by living in it. I noticed I was slowly transforming my pain into joy. I was becoming the thing I wanted to create, embodying it day in and day out. I kept making the lists, until the lists became more direct. Instead of lists of desires, it was now a matter of to-dos. The vision was focused and ready to be put into action, the action being inspired from my own personal evolution and insight.

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Eventually, the next thing on the list was to file an LLC, and in 2021, I put a name to my vision on paper as Sacrament for $120. Strangely, I had thought for years prior if I were to open any sort of healing practice, this is what I would call it. It was official. I was honestly shocked to realize that the store I wanted to open was a mere $120 to register. By not being desperately hung up on capital and just focusing on what I could do moment-to-moment, I was blown away to see my efforts realized so rapidly. My dream was becoming a reality, and soon I was holding the paperwork that would open a portal to my next steps; the password for entry being my EIN, naturally. Death and taxes, baby. Death and taxes. Both of them very real, and my burgeoning business now as real as both of them.

Soon enough, I was blessed with the money as an unexpected gift from my father. I had been talking to him about how to get a loan and if he would co-sign, explained my idea and he decided to invest in me. I had laid the groundwork for the blessing to come, and had a purpose for the finance, as anyone looking for a loan would. When you are asking for something from ‘The Universe’, God or even your own self, if that’s where your belief lies, oftentimes the blessing will come in the most convenient way possible for it to be delivered to you. Not everyone is going to get their lump sum by winning the lottery. Maybe you get yours from a distant relative that kicks the bucket (Mr. Deeds style) or Seeking Arrangements. No judgement, been there too. For me personally, at this point in my journey, the easiest, fastest and safest way for me to obtain this resource was through my father’s generosity, and it was accepted graciously.

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Shortly after breaking down my budget, I began scouring through thousands of items and brands on wholesale marketplaces looking for the beautiful products I promised my future clientele. Most fit the brief, while a few others missed the mark. Mostly due to my own impatience and perpetual antsiness to get these items in my hands and into the shop as soon as possible. I learned quickly with a few flopped orders that sometimes as soon as possible isn’t the best. Sometimes as soon as possible will waste your resources, and you will discover there was actually a better option for you. There is only a rush if you are impatient.

After wasting what felt (and probably was…is) lots of time and money on some of the wrong things, it was time to get the right things out to the right people. I made the website, I organized, described everything is upmost detail. I used skills acquired from photography school to make a shifty photo studio in my apartment, complete with lights from Home Depot. I showcased my vintage finds on an earthy green background or a punchy orange. I scoured flea markets, warehouses, eBay, thrift stores and my grandparent’s basement for unique objects that were lacking the appreciation and praise they deserved by sitting unused. I made them shine by giving them a literal spotlight.

I would gather my wares to be discovered by people all over the state by heading to pop-up shops and conventions. After all that, it was time for my goods to have a real home.

In around October 2022, I was gifted a space directly beneath my old workplace that would become the location I had been scripting for the past three years. It was completely gutted. Walls knocked down, floors refinished, a few fresh coats of paint and lots. Lots. Of love built my vision of what I present to you today.

As much as I needed to believe in myself, I wouldn’t have gotten this far without the support system I was blessed with. I want you all to have the opportunities I have had. I want you all to know that you are strong and capable. I want you to know that as long as you are here for yourself, as long as YOU are willing to take yourself to the next level, I will do all I can to help you get there and be the best goddamn hype man you’ve ever met. I can only hope that when you walk into my space, you feel held, loved and seen. By simply being there. Your presence is valued.

I look forward to embracing all members of my community to make this world a more sustainably benevolent place for everything that breathes. Thank you for being a part of it. Come visit me soon. I’ll be here.

With Love,

Marina

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If by Rudyard Kipling

A journey into your full personhood is not for the faint of heart. The new you will always cost you the old you. Evolution is inevitable- and rewarding. Keep going.

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